aggghh

I find it really hard when a colleague phones and tells me they would like a reference.

Happy to do that I say, but Why? I am resigning.

The conversations then typically go something like this:

Why – you love that place/that work?. Yes …but…

a manager just told a senior group that x had not progressed [& I seem to be held responsible for x]…..

they implied [ or told me straight] that I was doing nothing of impact around here – they didn’t even have insight to understand they were just bleating / big noting themselves, …& that I don’t control ….the pace, resources, decisions…. [insert appropriate thing you have no authority over in your role] that I recommended to solve that issue … OR….

I recommended xyz for a long time and now the risk is realised…. I need to remember what happened to that person for the rest of my life… I have to face that person’s family…. OR…..

I just can’t stand working for that manager [ usually named less politely] anymore, they micromanage me,…. publicly undermine me …and I can’t do this anymore …I am now second guessing myself, I am not sleeping, worried I have cancer….I am having panic attacks [ or insert any chronic stress symptom arising from toxic management here]

So you have made your decision, What a loss for them, I say,

Have you got a better offer? Of course they say

& did you remember to add 20% to that offer before accepting it [for the gender pay inequity]? yes I added 40%!

And is there anything else I can do to support you? …

You go girl! [ yes they are typically females working their butts off in advisory /technical middle level roles …while being a partner, friend, wife, mother, carer, cleaner, parent, volunteer….].

You never really appreciate what you have until it’s gone.

Disclaimer: The above conversation is completely fictional [or is it?]